Welcome to The Funk Experience!
Always Remember
It's kind of long, but when I need to write, I need to write.
Read it if you want.
Or don't read it at all; it won't have an impact on me.
But it will probably have an impact on you...
Kaeli was a girl whom I had known from a horseback riding center I went to. She owned her own horse, a beautiful palomino named Sundance. He was big, but gentle with a shiny golden coat. She took great care of him. I instantly fell in love with Sundance and, not owning a horse of my own, admired him more than most of the people there. I would always run to his stall after my lesson with a disposable camera, just to take pictures of him and keep them in a small horse album under my bed.
On my way to Sundance's stall one day, I ran into Kaeli. She might have just ridden him and was putting him back for the night. It's kind of awkward to just start snapping shots of someone else's horse while the person is right there, so I told her, 'He's beautiful,' just to break the slight discomfort I was feeling. She smiled and said, 'Thank you so much.' She had a pretty smile; it was honest, not some grin that was so artificial that you could smudge it with your thumb. It was real. I left the barn after that, not really wanting to take any pictures of Sundance while his owner was nearby. I don't know. It just seemed weird.
I saw Kaeli around a lot from that point on, mainly before or after my lessons. She was a fantastic rider, in the advanced category. I admired the way she rode Sundance. The two looked so graceful together, which is a very hard thing to pull off in the world of horseback riding. (It can be super obvious when you aren't compatible with your horse!) When I didn't see Kaeli riding, she was giving Sundance a bath or just walking him around the barn. I tend to smile at people when I make eye contact with them. Not many of the barn workers smiled back, but Kaeli always did. She'd give me a gentle grin and we'd go our separate ways.
Probably the thing I liked the most about her was that she was very understanding of my current situation. When I met her, I was much younger and newer to horseback riding. The instructors who worked there were brutal and mean. They often yelled at me for not knowing something that I wasn't experienced enough to know, which is a completely unfair thing to do. In several instances, I nearly hurt myself trying to do what they told me to. Bottom line? They expected too much of me, and the frustration of not being able to meet their standards would occasionally bring me to tears. Around the time when we had first met, I found Kaeli in one of the barns with Sundance. It was pouring outside and I had gone in there for shelter. She was grooming the mighty animal. We got into a small conversation. At some point I spilled my thoughts, asking her how she was able to manage with the chaos; how she was able to care for Sundance and please her instructor and make time for riding and do things well and not create problems and, all at once, be Kaeli Sarah Kramer. Still brushing her horse, she smiled and said that it's something one needs to get used to. 'It's really hard at first,' she had told me, 'but it gets better. You just need to hang in there.' I nodded as if her advice had helped me, but I didn't think it would do much.
It did though. I continued lessons. I spent some time around the barn. I watched people. I took note of how they did this, or how that was done, or how you put the horse in here or where this saddle must be placed. Watching Kaeli during lessons also gave me a boost, I guess, for I was able to see how she communicated with Sundance, how she moved with him and kept him under her control without losing the delicate trust between horse and rider. I learned. I hung in there and I learned.
On Tuesday, May 26, Kaeli, 19 years old now, was backed over by a garbage truck at Farmingdale State University on her way back from a physics class. Her friend, who was also injured by the truck, claimed later on in the hospital that he and Kaeli had not been paying attention to the truck as it was backing out; that Kaeli had asked him for directions to a campus bookstore, and he was answering her question just as they were hit. He is in critical condition right now.
Kaeli was pronounced dead at the scene.
It has been 2 years since I last saw her, so when the news came up, it was startling. I miss her. We weren't BFF'S, but I miss her. We hadn't talked to each other for a long time, but I miss her. I cried so hard thinking of her, wondering what her last thoughts were. It scared me to face the truth that life is so unpredictable. How many people wake up every morning, get dressed, brush their teeth, comb their hair, look in the mirror and say, 'I'm going to get hit by a truck today'? How many people can predict when they won't come home, when they won't see their families again, when all that they've accomplished ultimately adds up to nothing?
I came into school the day after hearing about this and attempted to keep it out of my head. I would forget about Kaeli when distracted, but as soon as my friends stopped talking to me or as soon as I would let my mind wander, she's pop up again. We were acquaintances, but that's more than enough to rattle someone. Around 5th period, I asked for a bathroom pass and cried in one of the stalls. It's too hard to pretend that all is well when all is hell. I've been trying to calm down.
Kaeli, I love you and I wish I could have prevented this. You were so sweet to me and, being around such horrible, obnoxious people, I really needed someone who wouldn't make me feel worthless. This is only proof that even a few memories of someone is enough to tear you apart when you find out that they're all you have.
To the members of BC Network, always remember. Always remember who you're talking to at the dinner table, who you're laughing with at work, who you're spending time with outside the house, who you're getting advice from in a small barn when it's pouring rain outside. Always remember those who have not necessarily touched you, but made an appearance in your life at all. Be grateful for their presence and cherish their every detail...like they're made of gold. Like they're the most valuable things on earth because, as upsetting as it is to think about, they won't be around forever.
Always remember.
~jeannine (inkdrops)
Read it if you want.
Or don't read it at all; it won't have an impact on me.
But it will probably have an impact on you...
Kaeli was a girl whom I had known from a horseback riding center I went to. She owned her own horse, a beautiful palomino named Sundance. He was big, but gentle with a shiny golden coat. She took great care of him. I instantly fell in love with Sundance and, not owning a horse of my own, admired him more than most of the people there. I would always run to his stall after my lesson with a disposable camera, just to take pictures of him and keep them in a small horse album under my bed.
On my way to Sundance's stall one day, I ran into Kaeli. She might have just ridden him and was putting him back for the night. It's kind of awkward to just start snapping shots of someone else's horse while the person is right there, so I told her, 'He's beautiful,' just to break the slight discomfort I was feeling. She smiled and said, 'Thank you so much.' She had a pretty smile; it was honest, not some grin that was so artificial that you could smudge it with your thumb. It was real. I left the barn after that, not really wanting to take any pictures of Sundance while his owner was nearby. I don't know. It just seemed weird.
I saw Kaeli around a lot from that point on, mainly before or after my lessons. She was a fantastic rider, in the advanced category. I admired the way she rode Sundance. The two looked so graceful together, which is a very hard thing to pull off in the world of horseback riding. (It can be super obvious when you aren't compatible with your horse!) When I didn't see Kaeli riding, she was giving Sundance a bath or just walking him around the barn. I tend to smile at people when I make eye contact with them. Not many of the barn workers smiled back, but Kaeli always did. She'd give me a gentle grin and we'd go our separate ways.
Probably the thing I liked the most about her was that she was very understanding of my current situation. When I met her, I was much younger and newer to horseback riding. The instructors who worked there were brutal and mean. They often yelled at me for not knowing something that I wasn't experienced enough to know, which is a completely unfair thing to do. In several instances, I nearly hurt myself trying to do what they told me to. Bottom line? They expected too much of me, and the frustration of not being able to meet their standards would occasionally bring me to tears. Around the time when we had first met, I found Kaeli in one of the barns with Sundance. It was pouring outside and I had gone in there for shelter. She was grooming the mighty animal. We got into a small conversation. At some point I spilled my thoughts, asking her how she was able to manage with the chaos; how she was able to care for Sundance and please her instructor and make time for riding and do things well and not create problems and, all at once, be Kaeli Sarah Kramer. Still brushing her horse, she smiled and said that it's something one needs to get used to. 'It's really hard at first,' she had told me, 'but it gets better. You just need to hang in there.' I nodded as if her advice had helped me, but I didn't think it would do much.
It did though. I continued lessons. I spent some time around the barn. I watched people. I took note of how they did this, or how that was done, or how you put the horse in here or where this saddle must be placed. Watching Kaeli during lessons also gave me a boost, I guess, for I was able to see how she communicated with Sundance, how she moved with him and kept him under her control without losing the delicate trust between horse and rider. I learned. I hung in there and I learned.
On Tuesday, May 26, Kaeli, 19 years old now, was backed over by a garbage truck at Farmingdale State University on her way back from a physics class. Her friend, who was also injured by the truck, claimed later on in the hospital that he and Kaeli had not been paying attention to the truck as it was backing out; that Kaeli had asked him for directions to a campus bookstore, and he was answering her question just as they were hit. He is in critical condition right now.
Kaeli was pronounced dead at the scene.
It has been 2 years since I last saw her, so when the news came up, it was startling. I miss her. We weren't BFF'S, but I miss her. We hadn't talked to each other for a long time, but I miss her. I cried so hard thinking of her, wondering what her last thoughts were. It scared me to face the truth that life is so unpredictable. How many people wake up every morning, get dressed, brush their teeth, comb their hair, look in the mirror and say, 'I'm going to get hit by a truck today'? How many people can predict when they won't come home, when they won't see their families again, when all that they've accomplished ultimately adds up to nothing?
I came into school the day after hearing about this and attempted to keep it out of my head. I would forget about Kaeli when distracted, but as soon as my friends stopped talking to me or as soon as I would let my mind wander, she's pop up again. We were acquaintances, but that's more than enough to rattle someone. Around 5th period, I asked for a bathroom pass and cried in one of the stalls. It's too hard to pretend that all is well when all is hell. I've been trying to calm down.
Kaeli, I love you and I wish I could have prevented this. You were so sweet to me and, being around such horrible, obnoxious people, I really needed someone who wouldn't make me feel worthless. This is only proof that even a few memories of someone is enough to tear you apart when you find out that they're all you have.
To the members of BC Network, always remember. Always remember who you're talking to at the dinner table, who you're laughing with at work, who you're spending time with outside the house, who you're getting advice from in a small barn when it's pouring rain outside. Always remember those who have not necessarily touched you, but made an appearance in your life at all. Be grateful for their presence and cherish their every detail...like they're made of gold. Like they're the most valuable things on earth because, as upsetting as it is to think about, they won't be around forever.
Always remember.
~jeannine (inkdrops)
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